Disordered personalities


Okay, well this blog is a nice simple one (figuratively speaking). After quite some time I’ve come to realise that people all tend to have a simple personalities. These can be categorised (forgive the Americanism) as follows:

Fish
These type of people just can’t keep their mouth shut. Not the brightest sparks in the ‘kettle’, they just float about amongst groups of friends aimlessly blurting out pieces of information which they aren’t supposed to, and when the shit hits the fan (in the air bubble filter system), they just vanish and never feel any of the repercussions. They spend their entire life with their noses up against the window wondering what’s outside of the tank, but never realise that they are just one small fish in one small tank.

Potato
These people have no brain cells whatsoever. Anything they say is just recycled garbage they’ve seen on tv. Somehow they have lots of friends, but this is simply because they can present themselves in many different ways which people feel comfortable with (like chips, mash, jacket and roast). These are the type of people who don’t do anything in life but somehow end up rich. At the end of the day, they are still a bland tasting vegetable full of starch and useless cliches.

Office chair
Beware of these people. These people are full of false hope and promises. They look like lots of fun at first and everybody wants to try a spin with them, but you’re the lucky one. After a while, their spiraling moods and inconsistent expectations will start to make you feel sick, but you can’t escape because you’re still spinning with them. When you finally do stop, you have to sit down and do work. It takes a while before you feel better after getting off of an office chair.

Chameleon
This person has 100 personalities. There tends to only be one single trait which makes you remember this person isn’t an animal. This is the type of person who can somehow fit into every social situation and make it work. Blending into their habitat is this persons natural gift, but also their biggest flaw. It is almost impossible to form a connection with this person when they constantly change who they are. But who cares as long as there’s plenty of flies to eat?

Drill
This type of person is someone whose sole purpose is to basically grind away at any sense of happiness in your life, and leave you with lots of big empty holes in your enthusiasm, ready to be be filled with their negativity. Constantly getting deep into your moral foundations, just so they can hang all their weight onto you. Nothing functions as well with lots of holes in it.

Letter box
This person drains the life out of you. They tend to just stand around aimlessly and are only capable of delivering news (and letters). They have very little input to any part of your life, but without one you would struggle. They are completely incapable of making any decision and never stop asking you questions (in the form of junk mail). A very sturdy, but very boring person with an empty mouth.

I know this is quite bad to just group people into little categories, and I know that I won’t have covered every personality type, but I don’t really care.

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About Martin Bennett

I am average.
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